L'Enfant Préoccupé
by RoseRed
Summary: (The Troubled Child) Severus sees something he should not have in the mind of Harry Potter. !NEW CHAPTER!
1. The Latest Lesson

L'Enfant Préoccupé  
  
Chapter One - The Latest Lesson  
  
After Sirius had insisted, in the fireplace not so long ago, that Harry force Snape to re-start his Occlumency lesson, things between Harry Potter and Severus Snape had been more then tense. At certain times it got so bad that Harry feared to breath incorrectly. Neither man had been cordial to the other, and it had, in fact, been getting slowly worse with each passing day.  
  
"Potter, pay attention!" Snape snapped. He was getting very sick of the fool boy never paying attention to the growing importance of these lessons. Severus ran a hand through his hair and turned back to face the boy. "Potter, I don't know if you have yet realized the importance of these lessons. The Dark Lord is growing stronger with each passing day, with each hour even. The rest of the Wizarding World might not been to keen on the idea of accepting that, but we know that it is true. If you cannot learn how to do such a simple thing as Occlumency, then you, fool boy, will be so easily corrupted by him. He will have no trouble ending your pathetic little excuse for a life."  
  
After Severus said those words, he knew he had hurt the boy. Even if he didn't like Harry, he knew that the boy did have a lot on his mind. He, after all, was expected to save Wizard-kind from destruction. He had never asked for that. Then again, Severus had never asked to become a spy, and end up having to teach such a poor excuse for a student.  
  
"Sorry, Sir." Harry said, avoiding the older man's eyes. Harry wasn't going to give in to the greasy old man. He was going to get it right, he had to get it right. If he couldn't, then everyone he knew would die. He would die. He would even be responsible for Snape's death, if Voldemort was to read his thoughts and see that Snape was indeed a spy.  
  
"Right, we'll just try it again, Potter." Severus said wearily. This would be the last time for today, he was just to tired. The dull ache that was always on his forearm tired him out greatly.  
  
Severus muttered the usual spells to start the mind-reading process. As usual, he felt Harry try and resist him, Severus even thought that this time he might actually be able to hold off the forced entry into his mind, but as always, Harry became distracted and Severus easily gained entry into the boy's thoughts.  
  
He was able to see his true feelings, his secrets, his innermost desires. Severus was about to stop when he saw the edge of a memory forming. It was not very clear, almost as if Harry had tried very hard to block the memory from his mind forever. Severus knew that he should stop, that it was not for him to see into the boy's thoughts, but something in him would not allow him to stop. He had to see what that memory was, he had to see what Harry was trying so hard to forget  
  
(The Memory)  
  
"Boy! Get down here right now! You should have started breakfast five minutes ago, you little twerp!" Shouted Vernon Dursley. Harry slowly started down the hall, he knew what was coming. He was going to be, once again, beaten by his uncle for starting serving late.  
  
It usually didn't matter what he had done, if Vernon had a reason to beat him, he took it. Anything and everything seemed to annoy his uncle. The simple fact that he existed was more then enough for Vernon to want to obliviate Harry permanently.  
  
When Harry walked into the kitchen a fist was immediately slammed into his nose. Harry felt it break, but knew that eventually the pain would gloriously knock him out. Harry made no effort to retaliate against his massive uncle. He knew it would be simply useless. Vernon once again punched him, this time hard in the stomach.  
  
"Why, you stupid child, have you started our meal so late?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Uncle Vernon. I guess I fell asleep."  
  
"You dared fall asleep when my family was sitting down here, half starving!"  
  
That was when Harry snapped. It was if the resistance that had been building up inside of him had finally reached its boiling point. Before reasoning could once again take over, Harry shouted, "Starving! Ha! You and your whale of a son could go weeks before you'd even begin to feel hungry! As for your whore of a wife, she could just as well eat the two of you, and still be eating when you both started to rot! I'm the one who sits locked in my cupboard waiting for a chance to steal the scraps from your plates when you throw me down the stairs to go and wash them! You stupid ass!"  
  
That was when Harry realized he had gone to far. Harry saw all of the color slowly drain from his uncle's massive face, and then watched it slowly fill up with more color then ever before.  
  
Harry tried to duck out and run to the door, but his own small footsteps couldn't match his uncle's massive strides. Vernon caught on to Harry's shirt and wheeled him around. At first he said nothing, he did nothing but stare into Harry's eyes in an effort to make the boy feel small and insignificant.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity to Harry, Vernon picked him up and carried him up the stairs to his bedroom. Harry didn't know what was going to happen. He had never seen Vernon this angry before. He feared the beating he was going to get, but also feared the reason why Vernon was taking him to his master bedroom. In his heart, Harry secretly knew what was to come.  
  
As Vernon half carried, and half dragged Harry, Harry willed himself to close his eyes and think of something different.  
  
He thought about flying as his uncle roughly through him down onto the bed.  
  
He thought about Quidditch as his uncle tore of his clothes.  
  
He thought about Ron and Hermione quarrelling over house-elves as his uncle removed his own clothes.  
  
He thought about the sorting hat's songs as his uncle roughly positioned him beneath him.  
  
He thought about playing Wizard's Chess with Ron has his uncle entered him in one swift motion. He thought about nothing as he slowly fell into unconsciousness. 


	2. Through My Eyes

L'Enfant Préoccupé  
  
Chapter Two - Through My Eyes  
  
When Severus saw that the memory was over, he slowly eased himself out of his trance. He had expected to be able to question the boy about the memory, but instead found himself looking at a quivering Harry lying on the ground shaking. Harry was mumbling incoherently to himself, it was if re- living the memory had caused him to go into shock.  
  
Severus rushed over to Harry and kneeled down next to him. When shaking didn't work, Severus said quietly, "Potter," then louder and more forcefully, "Potter! Wake up!" As if responding in class, Harry slowly opened his eyes. Instead of the grateful reply that Severus had expected, he got something much worse.  
  
"How. Dare. You." Harry said, his voice full of anger and venom, "how dare you." He repeated again.  
  
Severus could think of no reply for what he had seen. All he could think about was why Harry had never told anyone. Why would he keep something like this from even his own mind? While Severus was thinking he saw Harry slowly get up and walk out into the hall. Severus made no move to stop him, but instead walked over to his desk and took out a snifter of brandy.  
  
Severus woke the next morning and slowly dressed for breakfast. He still hadn't decided what he was going to do about Harry. His loathing for the boy made it twice as difficult. It would be so easy not to say anything, and just let the boy relive the memory over and over again with no one to talk to. Sadly, the little known about, good side was starting to take over. Severus knew that he should talk to Harry privately. He knew that he should try and help the boy. He knew that he should get him away from his uncle's home. 'How do the kind survive?' He thought to himself.  
  
Severus's thoughts were interrupted when he saw Harry walk into the Great Hall. He went over and sat with his friends, Weasly and Granger, as usual, but there was something different then most mornings. It looked as though Harry had not slept at all last night. He was extremely pale and had large, purple, bags under his eyes. Severus doubted if his self- centered friends would even notice that something was wrong.  
  
"Severus, is something on your mind this morning?" Albus Dumbledore interrupted his thoughts with his usual cheerful morning banter.  
  
"No." Was the un-courteous reply given by Severus as he continued to stare at Harry. It seemed as if his friends had yet to guess that Harry was being plagued by his invisible demons.  
  
Severus spent the rest of the morning thinking about Harry, something that he usually would never do. Unless, of course, he was thinking of all the ways that the boy was destroying his little free time. When the first bell finally did ring, and Severus was forced to go and start his first class, second year Gryffindor-Slytherin potions.  
  
He walked quickly down towards the dungeons, his cloak billowing behind him, and brushed passed the chatty students. "Everyone, take your seats. Today we will be brewing a dreamless sleep potion, the instructions are on the board. Begin." After the collective groan, the students began to work. Walking the aisles and taking points was just enough to get Severus's mind off of things for a while. He had to deal with two cauldron explosions, four sick students, and one fight. By the time that class was over, Severus had several cuts and bruises.  
  
Harry had spent most of the night sitting in bed hugging his knees. He had tried so hard to forget the memory of his rape, and had done a pretty nice job of it. Now, thanks to Snape, it had all come flooding back into his mind. All of the pain, the embarrassment, and the shame was flowing freely through his mind.  
  
It took all of his will not to cry out when he relived that moment when his uncle had entered him. Harry had pretended to be asleep when Ron and the rest of his dorm-mates had made their way to bed. When he was convinced they were all sound asleep, he slowly crept out of bed and had spent the rest of the night in an over- stuffed chair by the fire with Crookshankes curled up on his lap. Staring into the flames seemed to ease his pain slightly.  
  
When not thinking about the previous summer, Harry's thoughts drifted towards his potions professor. Harry wondered what Snape was going to do, and what he must be thinking of him. 'He probably thinks I deserved it!' Harry thought. Harry dreaded seeing his professor again, for it probably gave Snape another reason to make his life a living hell.  
  
When Harry realized people were starting to wake up for the day, he pushed the purring cat off his lap and made his way over to the showers. When Ron spotted him he came over and struck up a conversation, 'Hello, mate! D'you wake up early?"  
  
"Yeah, I went down and played a one sided game of Wizard's Chess."  
  
"Sounds like fun." Ron had no idea, and Harry was fine with that. He didn't need anyone else realizing how disgusting he was.  
  
After his shower, Harry made his way down to breakfast. He wasn't hungry, but he didn't need to deal with the questions if he didn't show up. He sat through the meal listening to Ron and Hermione argue over something trivial. He didn't care, the only thing that he did notice that morning was Snape staring at him. 


	3. Thinking of Thoughts

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Three Thinking of Thoughts  
  
The rest of the day passed slowly for both men. Whenever they passed each other in the halls they would send each other secret glances, and then wonder if the other had seen it. Severus had decided to cancel the rest of his classes under the excuse of, 'Tending to my bruises.' In reality, all he wanted to do was get himself drunk so the nagging thoughts of Harry would leave him.  
  
Harry had been only half-aware of what his teachers were saying to him. Mostly, he was trying to fall asleep and forget things for awhile. Alas, with Hermione at his side, sleep was not an option. By the end of the day, Harry was ready to punch the next person that said anything to him. Unfortunately, the next person to see him was Ron. Harry was only just able to stop his moving fist. Ron caught the action, but thought nothing of it.  
  
"Hey, Harry! I just was going to tell you that Snape cancelled Potions today! A whole ninety minutes of freedom!"  
  
"Oh, that's great. I'll meet you back in the common room, I'm just going to go nick some food from the house-elves." He lied; Harry really just wanted to get away from everyone.  
  
When Harry had finally convinced Ron that he would be back again shortly, he began wondering the halls. He found himself outside by the lake. He really didn't wonder how he had gotten there, he just accepted it. Harry sank down on the riverbank, and stared up at the sky. He watched the clouds pass by, and wondered what it would be like to be a cloud. Clouds didn't have to worry about anything, they just floated by aimlessly, and it would probably be funny soaking people caught out in the rain.  
  
Harry's thoughts were interrupted by a sweet voice, Harry recognized it easily, but still pretended not to notice, the voice repeated it's comments, "Harry, are you coming to diner?" Cho Chang was standing over the currently laying down Harry. Her eyes were not merely questioning, but full of worry.  
  
"Yeah, Cho, thanks for telling me."  
  
"Harry, are you alright? You seemed very distant at meals today."  
  
"No, I'm fine really." Harry hoped she would leave it at that, and she did, although, Harry saw in her eyes that she wanted to find out what was really bothering Harry. Unlike Ron, Cho would probably figure it out given enough time.  
  
They made their way down to the Great Hall in silence, each separating to their own house tables when they arrived. Dinner started just as Harry sat down; it was almost as if it had been waiting for him. Harry ate in silence. He once again didn't notice anything, except that Snape was not at dinner.  
  
Harry normally wouldn't have minded a whole afternoon of not seeing Snape at all, but today was different. It was almost eating away at him not knowing what Snape thought about the whole situation. Harry, his Gryffindor bravery coming through, decided that he would just have to go and talk to Snape after dinner. He didn't really care what the consequences were, he just had to fine out what Snape was thinking.  
  
Harry walked slowly down the halls towards the dungeons. Normally, he would have thought himself out of his mind. Tonight was different. Harry didn't care if Snape gave him detention into the next century. He had to know. He just had to know!  
  
Harry knocked three times on the dungeon door. No one answered; Harry just couldn't resist the temptation to through the slightly opened door. There was no one inside, but Harry saw yet another door that he guessed led into Snape's private quarters. All reasoning aside, Harry strode quickly into the adjoining room and saw his potions master slumped in a chair, and spilled glass of liquor on the floor beside him. 


	4. Marks

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Four - "Marks"  
  
-Author's Note- Wow, I really should stop writing these stories so late at night. I don't think that they make much sense! I hope everyone who is reading this story is enjoying it. I'm enjoying writing it. When I start writing each chapter, I don't know what it will turn into.OKAY, now I'll get to the point of this note.I need a BETA!!!!! If anyone is interested, let me know in a review, or e-mail me at duffys88@hotmail.com . I will be reading everyone's resume to see which one of you is the best candidate! THANK YOU!  
  
RoseRed  
  
Severus woke the next morning in the same manor he usually did when he had drunken himself into a stupor. He would slowly roll out of bed, magically clean up any spilled liquor, dress, shower and somehow just make it to his next class without breakfast. Today, however, was different. Severus found himself in his own bed, with the covers drawn. He certainly didn't remember getting there. He scrambled out of his sleeping quarters to check the rest of his meager dungeon home for any damage, all he found was what looked like a hastily scribbled noted,  
  
Professor Snape,  
  
Please give me a reason to have to come back down here and talk to you tonight. A detention in class wouldn't make anyone suspect anything. I'll be sure to break something. I must speak with you.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
H. Potter  
  
Severus realized it must have been Harry who had gotten him into bed. 'Must have levitated me.' Severus thought, 'I really must have been drunk.' With that he quickly made his way into his large blue and gold bathroom. Not the Slytherin colors, but Severus Snape colors. Severus took a short shower, and magically dried himself.  
  
Arriving late to breakfast, as expected, Severus took his usual seat next to Dumbledore, who was currently having an animated conversation with Professor Sprout about the growing conditions of Rebellious Plantious. Choosing to find something else to at least keep his mind entertained, Severus scanned the Great Hall for some sign of any reason to glare at a student. He found many. His thoughts quickly turned back to Harry when he saw the young man enter. Harry looked sheepishly towards the staff table at Severus, both men glanced quickly away. Neither of them needed to say a word to each other until the detention Severus would have to give him. It didn't matter that he couldn't think of a way to approach the subject with Harry, if Harry wanted to talk about it, he had no choice.  
  
The rest of Harry's morning leading up to potions passed slowly. So far, he had managed to lose points in everyone of his classes, except for Hagrid's. Harry had all of Gryffindor glaring, and all of Slytherin laughing. Oh yes, it was going to be a great day.  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione made their way slowly down to the dungeons. Harry was getting strange looks from his companions as he tried to quicken their pace. When the trio finally did arrive everyone else had already taken their seats. "Minus ten points apiece from Gryffindor." Severus said. There, he had gotten rid of a need for Harry to blow something up. It could be Severus that ended up stuck to a wall if Harry's mind was in deed as distracted as Severus guessed it was. "Weasly, detention at six. Granger, detention at seven. Potter, detention at eight." Severus could see the confusion on Ron and Hermione's faces when he had not given them detentions together. Severus didn't care, it wasn't in his job description to care.  
  
All through the class, Severus's mind drifted in and out of thoughts about Harry. He even found himself reliving Harry's memory of the rape. Severus was starting to feel absolutely crazy, after all, why should he have to think about Harry this much?  
  
Severus's thoughts were interrupted when he felt the all to familiar burning on his forearm. He didn't need to look to know that it was glowing a bright, angry red. He, to the joy and relief of the students who were currently screwing up their potions, dismissed the class twenty minutes early. Severus left a quick note for Albus with a house-elf, and flooed his way to The Dark Lord. 


	5. Pain

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Five - Pain By RoseRed  
  
Severus kneeled in front of 'his' Dark Lord awaiting whatever punishment was to come. He had known something was different the moment he walked into the room filled with Death Eaters. All of the Death Eaters were already in a circle when he arrived; Voldemort was sitting in his throne, watching with perverted amusement. When Severus arrived he was told to step forward. Voldemort's cold, red eyes scanned his body, looking for some sign of weakness. He found none. Severus was ready to take what he received, and he was ready to fix it when he was able. It would be nothing new. In fact, the only thing he did worry about was what Voldemort had found out.  
  
"Severus, my faithful death eater," Severus heard many of the statuesque Death Eaters snicker at Voldemort's words. Severus knew that many of them wished him dead, he had gained and lost favor with Voldemort so many countless times, many were just jealous. "Severus, Severus, Severus. Do you not trust me?" It was not a question that required an answer. There was only one answer that wouldn't get him killed on the spot, and Severus knew that Voldemort thought him smarter than to answer.  
  
"You know that I am powerful enough to find out certain bits of information with a mere glance at one of the many, pathetic and scared souls out there."  
  
"Yes, My Lord." Severus replied. He knew then that Voldemort had some how found out about Harry's memory. He briefly had time to wonder how Voldemort had possibly found out before he heard Voldemort's airy hiss, "Crucio."  
  
Severus' whole body shook with pain. It didn't matter how many countless times before this had been done to him. It hurt every time. Severus could, however, control how he reacted after the curse was lifted. He made no movements. Just rose again to one knee, and kept his eyes pointing downwards to the floor.  
  
"Severus, why would you not tell me about the Potter Boy's memory? Hmmm?"  
  
Before he could reply, that tell-tale pain hit him again. Once again he rose, kneeled and kept his eyes downwards. "I'm sorry, My Lord, I hadn't had a chance to tell you. I've been brewing the potions you had requested."  
  
"Excuses, excuses!" Voldemort allowed his voice to become slightly higher, more agitated. "Crucio!"  
  
Severus didn't know how many minutes Voldemort allowed his torture to go on. Every time the curse was lifted, it was re-applied to make the pain more fresh and fierce. Over and over again the pain hit Severus. He refused to cry out, he never cried out. He would never give Voldemort the satisfaction of hearing his cries.  
  
Harry waited, agitated, in Severus' dungeons. He had been told to bee here at eight, and here he was. He had seen both Ron and Hermione walk slowly down to the dungeons and he saw them come back again with news that Severus hadn't been there. Harry had thought it strange when class had been dismissed early, but hadn't really thought much of it until now.  
  
Harry began to pace around on the cold, stone floor before he made himself walk into Severus' quarters. Finding Severus no where within his rooms, Harry sat himself down in one of the overstuffed chairs facing the cold fireplace. He waited.  
  
It was a good two hours later when Harry woke with a start. He hadn't even realized that he'd been there for a good two hours. Slowly, Harry saw a head followed by a tall body emerge from the fireplace. Harry looked at Severus' face with anxiety and fear.  
  
"Potter?" Was all Severus could say before he passed out on the thick burgundy carpet.  
  
Severus woke many minutes later to the feel of a cold cloth washing his face. He opened his eyes and saw an embarrassed Harry. With much pain to his already aching windpipe, Severus spoke roughly, "Potter, what are you doing here?" Then he remembered.  
  
Voldemort had grown tired of cursing Severus and had told him he could leave. Severus knew that if he was caught again, he might never be allowed to leave again. Severus had flooed home, being to out of it to disparate safely. When he arrived he had seen Harry sitting in one of his chairs, a look of shock on his face at seeing his professor in such a state.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sir. I figured you wouldn't want me to take you to the Hospital Ward, and I couldn't leave you like this. Please, I'm really sorry. I'll just leave." Harry stood up and was walking slowly towards the door before Severus realized that he was more torn up then usual and, loathe as he was to admit it, would probably need some help getting himself fixed up.  
  
"Potter, wait. I hate to ask you this, but I think I may need some help."  
  
Harry wordlessly walked over to Severus and put an arm around him. With Harry's help, Severus managed to stand up and the pair made their way towards the bathroom. Harry looked questioningly at his teacher before he carefully helped him sit down. He filled the massive stone tub with warm water and turned towards Severus. His eyes questioning what he should do next.  
  
"Please go get the vial labeled 'Healing Potion XI' from the shelf above my bed. Harry quickly went and got the requested potion. When he returned he saw Severus struggling with the buttons of his shirt. His fingers looked like the fingers of a man who had just had 'Crucio' preformed on him many times. Harry looked in Severus' eyes for a nod of approval to help and got it. Severus had long since given in to the help.  
  
Slowly Harry began to un-button Severus' shirt and then helped him slide it slowly off. Harry gasped at the sight of Severus's chest. It was covered in bleeding scratches, and oozing, deep cuts. Harry snuck a glance at the older man's back and saw that it looked the same, but he also saw scars. Scars that had never truly healed. Scars from past treatments such as this. How many times had Severus gone through this same type of pain?  
  
Harry began to help Severus out of his pants. Harry gave Severus some dignity by refusing to let his eyes sneak a peak at any more of Severus' body.  
  
Slowly, with Harry's help, Severus made it into the tub. He sat back against the warm stone with a sigh. Harry poured the potion into the water when asked and started to leave to give Severus some privacy.  
  
"Harry," he heard Severus say, "Please don't leave." Harry stayed outside the door as Severus sunk into the bath, his head barely staying above the water level. 


	6. Breaking Rules

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Six - Breaking Rules By RoseRed  
  
Harry didn't know what he had been expecting to happen when Severus regained his composure long enough to get out of the bath tub. He had been silently going over all of the possibilities of the embarrassing confrontation that was sure to take place between himself and the older man.  
  
One thought was Severus becoming so angry with Harry that he refused to ever speak with him again, and ask him to leave his rooms with more force then necessary.  
  
A second possibility would be Severus becoming so embarrassed that he refused to ever speak to Harry again and ask him to leave his rooms with more force then necessary.  
  
The last, and strangest, thought Harry had was one of Severus sweeping out of the bathroom and pulling Harry into his arms and telling him that the rest of their lives would be okay. The rest of their lives would contain no pain, no suffering and no more death.  
  
Harry wasn't sure why this thought had suddenly occurred to him. It was the last thought he had had, and he was sure it was the thought he would be pondering until the actual event took place.  
  
Harry didn't have time to ponder his situation for very long. As he was about to knock on the large, oak door leading to the bathroom, Albus Dumbledore's head was seen poking through the silent fire.  
  
"Harry?" he asked questioningly, "What are you doing here?" Harry could barely contain his shock at the sight of his headmaster being shocked by anything. Noticing the absence of the usual twinkle in the old man's eyes, Harry remained straight-faced.  
  
"I had been in Professor Snape's room waiting to speak with him when he arrived back by floo powder. I was going to leave after I saw his condition, but he asked me to stay and help him into the bath. I'm sorry, Sir, but I couldn't leave him like that." Harry explained while watching the bewildered headmaster's expressions change from worry, to grievous fear.  
  
"Ahh, I see." Dumbledore said, choosing not to prod the issue any farther. "Has he been in there long?"  
  
"I was just getting out." a cold, almost dead voice stated before Harry could reply, "and young Mr. Potter here was just leaving." Severus finished.  
  
Harry saw that 'situation two' had occurred. Although he was trying very hard not to show it, Harry could see a slight embarrassment on Severus' face.  
  
"Right. Harry, if you could please go wait for me in my office. The password is 'red rose petals.' Dumbledore spoke to Harry while watching Severus. Harry knew that Dumbledore could also see the mixed emotions on Severus' face.  
  
Without saying a goodbye to either of the professors, Harry made his way out of Severus' inner rooms, through his classroom and out into the cold hallway in front of the dungeons.  
  
---  
  
When Harry finally made it to Dumbledore's office, he sat down in one of the headmaster's comfy chairs and began to absentmindedly stroke Fawke's feathers. While he was thinking he began to drift slowly off to sleep.  
  
"Harry. Harry, wake up." Harry woke to the gentle voice of the headmaster. He looked up and saw Dumbledore take the seat behind his desk. Harry also noticed the portraits were once again faking their sleep. He could see the occasional peek being taken by one of the previous Hogwart's headmasters.  
  
"Harry, I have no doubt that you know where Professor Snape has been tonight. I also know you know what he has suffered, as you yourself have suffered from it. Once you receive that curse, you never forget it." Dumbledore stated while Harry played nervously with his shirt bottom.  
  
"Yes, Headmaster." Harry replied slowly and carefully. He hoped that Dumbledore wouldn't ask him what he had been waiting to discuss with Severus.  
  
"Harry, if I may ask, what were you going to discuss with Professor Snape?" Harry blanched. At that moment he had more contempt then he had ever felt towards the headmaster. Harry couldn't think of anything to say. The only thing he could do was mumble and stutter something about a missing paper.  
  
Harry knew that the excuse wouldn't explain what he was doing in Severus' private rooms after school hours.  
  
Being as smart as he was, Dumbledore knew not to push the issue any farther. "Alright, Harry. If you need to talk, please come to me." The warm, fatherly look he gave Harry was enough to let him forget his earlier discontentment towards the old man.  
  
Harry stood slowly, and knowing he should go back to his dorm for some restless sleep, he began making his way slowly back towards the dungeons. 


	7. The Burdens of Being Born

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Eight - The Burdens of Being Born (Revised Edition) By RoseRed  
  
++++Thank you to those of you that noticed my mistake! I can't believe I forgot I put things about Hogwarts in the first chapter.Sorry! I've fixed the mistake. For those of you who are just reading chapter 8 for the first time, please ignore this.++++  
  
**Wow! I had no idea that my plea would reach so many people. Thank you so much to all of you who read 'In the Moonlight.' It meant so much to me! Thank you!!**  
  
---  
  
Harry tried quite unsuccessfully to rationalize why he was walking back towards the rooms that he previously would have had nothing to do with.  
  
Harry walked slowly, yet purposefully. He wanted to reach the dungeons before Severus could retire, but also wanted to give the older man time to compose himself. Harry had seen right through the act Severus had given in front of Dumbledore. Harry knew that on the inside, he to wanted to find out more about Harry's memory.  
  
When Harry arrived at the classroom entrance, he found it locked securely. He had been hoping that Severus would have left it unlocked, but knew in his heart that it would not be open.  
  
Harry knocked several times on the thick door, knowing it was all in vain. The walls were surely two feet thick. It was a dungeon, after all. Just as he was starting to turn back in defeat, he heard the door unlock, and retreating footsteps behind it.  
  
Harry pushed open the door and followed what could only have been Severus into the man's private rooms. When he entered the now familiar room, he saw Severus sitting upright at his kitchen table, sipping on some dark liquid.  
  
"I figured you would come back. Bless your Gryffindor persistence." Severus said with his usual sarcastic bite.  
  
"I.I.I was just wondering how you were feeling?" Harry mumbled quietly. His usual courage lacking. He could face Voldemort, dementors and much more, but found himself unable to look his professor in the eye.  
  
"Potter, you did not come all the way back down here, against Dumbledore's orders, just to ask how I was feeling."  
  
Harry stared at his potions professor and sighed. He had phrased this entire conversation out in his head, but now his mouth refused to make the words.  
  
"Sit," Severus said, sensing Harry's distress, "drink some tea." Severus stood up and poured a cup of tea from the now Luke-warm kettle.  
  
Harry accepted the tea gratefully, and held the mug in his hands for a short while before noticing that Severus was starring at him. Severus used the momentary lack of silence to start the conversation they were both dreading.  
  
"I know you've come back to ask me about the memory."  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"Come on, Boy, I'm not stupid."  
  
"I know," Harry sighed again, "I guess I don't know what exactly to ask you."  
  
"Just tell me why your uncle ra.raped you." Severus said slowly, knowing that Harry would flinch. He was correct.  
  
"Well." Harry trailed off.  
  
"Don't worry, as strange as it, I think we both know that you can trust me."  
  
After several tense moments of silence, Severus began to feel that Harry would not be sharing the information. Finally, he spoke.  
  
"I severed breakfast late."  
  
"That's all?"  
  
"I talked back to my uncle for the first time."  
  
"That was still no excuse for him to do that to you."  
  
"Thank you." Was the meek reply. Severus could see the defeat in Harry's eyes.  
  
"You know, no one will think any less of you if you tell them."  
  
"Yes they will!" Harry screamed. "You have no idea what it's like to have the entire wizarding world expecting you to defeat Voldemort just because you were born at the wrong time!"  
  
Severus stood, and approached the crying Harry carefully. He slowly put his arm around Harry's shoulders, and feeling no resistance, gathered him into a tight embrace. Severus understood. He understood more then Harry would ever understand. 


	8. Summons

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Nine - Summons  
  
(Please read this author's note. Also, please read the one at the bottom!)  
  
*I'm sorry it has been so long since I've updated!!! We went on a week long family vacation, and I completely forgot to post this chapter!!! If you want to tell me how much you hated me for it, I won't mind.I love reviews in any way shape or form!!! Anywho, please give me a review, I hardly got any from the last chapter, and I almost cried! Okay, I'm done feeling sorry for myself. ENJOY chapter nine!!!*  
  
---------  
  
Severus let go of Harry as he felt the younger man shudder involuntarily. Severus looked down to see Harry gazing into his eyes. He couldn't name all of the emotions, but he recognized a few, there was fear, anger, confusion and shock. Fear for what was to come, anger for what had happened, confusion at Severus' reaction, and shock at the embrace.  
  
Harry started backing away slowly. "I.I." He stuttered.  
  
"I'm sorry, Harry. Rea."  
  
"I have to go." Harry said quietly at he left the room.  
  
Harry started to run quickly down the hall once he was sure that Severus could no longer see him. His thoughts were racing with questions. The main one, though, was wondering why Severus had hugged him like he had. It wasn't a simple, teacher-comforting-student type of hug, it was a full on tight embrace. Harry had been able to feel all of Severus' body through the thin material of his cloak.  
  
When Harry reached the Forbidden Forrest, he slowed his pace some. He considered the edge of the thick forest for mere moments before irrationally walking in.  
  
By the time his fear and anger had subsided, Harry had found himself completely lost. Mentally kicking himself, he tried to retrace his steps. When this failed, he sat down on a dead tree-branch and allowed himself to cry long over-due tears. He hadn't cried since he was a little child, but now all of the feelings and emotions were pouring out of him in waves.  
  
When Harry was about to stand up and try again, he heard a low sound, almost like a devilish laugh. Looking towards the direction he assumed it had come from, he saw a circle of at least five Death-Eaters staring at him through their black masks.  
  
"Crying, Potter?" Said one of the masked men with a drawl that Harry knew all to well. Before Harry could react, he was hit by a stunning curse, and fell like a stone onto the cool ground of the forest.  
  
--------  
  
Severus was cleaning up a ruined potion he had been making before the events of the day had taken place when he saw Albus Dumbledore's head poke through his silent fireplace. "What do you want, Albus?" Severus said without taking his eyes off of the foul-smelling potion remains. He figured that the old man simply wanted to chat some more about the Death Eater meeting.  
  
"Severus, Harry's disappeared. He was last seen going into the Forbidden Forrest. We need you to get down there quickly. I fear it was Voldemort."  
  
"Fool boy!" Severus shouted as he raced out of the dungeons towards the edge of the forest.  
  
When Severus arrived he saw that Albus and Minerva were already waiting anxiously for him. Without saying a word, Severus stormed angrily into the forest, intent on finding Harry. Severus wasn't stupid, he knew it had been their earlier conversation that had driven Harry to do something this stupid. He knew that Harry often didn't think things through before doing them.  
  
"Severus!" Severus heard Albus shouting before the older man apperated next to him. "Please listen for a moment before you do something rash."  
  
"Get on with it." He replied while still moving.  
  
"Do you think this has something to do with the Dark Lord?"  
  
"Of course it does, Old Man! When don't things involving missing Potters have to do with the Dark Lord?"  
  
"You're right, of course, Severus, but have you thought this through yet? If Voldemort was involved, he may still have spies lurking about, if you're seen eagerly helping, your position may be compromised." Severus knew that Albus was right, but at the moment the only thing he noticed was the familiar burning on his forearm.  
  
"I have been summoned." Severus said before he left with a small pop.  
  
(Please read)  
  
**I am still looking for someone to write some slash scenes for me. I'm afraid, my sex scene writing skills are slightly lacking.lack of personal experience I suppose. If anyone would like to help me out with this, I would love them forever! Also, you'll get your praises written at the top of chapter ten. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!** 


	9. In a Cage

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Ten - In a Cage  
  
*Thanks to everyone who is reading. This chapter is short, because it is necessary for the next chapter. Please don't be discouraged by its shortness.*  
  
Harry woke to the sounds of shouts and screams. Standing carefully, so as not to alarm anyone he had risen, Harry surveyed his surroundings. He was standing inside a small, dark cage. There were bars on every side of him, and the cage seemed to be in the middle of a very large and open room. At one end of the room, there was a massive chair that looked like a throne. Carved into the intricate patterns of the wood-work was a delicate letter 'V.' Harry knew then where he was, Voldemort's secret castle.  
  
When Harry first heard footsteps from outside the large, oak door, he lay back down and pretended to be sleeping soundly. Through one half- closed eye, Harry saw a large group of Death Eaters file in and stand in a circle around the chair. When they had all thrown themselves into a kneeling position at the floor, Harry was able to see Voldemort walk calmly to the throne, and take a seat.  
  
"Lucius," Voldemort's voice was dull and raspy, "You have brought me the Potter boy, and for that you shall be very much rewarded."  
  
Harry watched Lucius crawl up to Voldemort and kiss the man's robes. "Thank you, Master." He said while crawling back to join the circle.  
  
"Lucius, I have decided that I shall grant your request to have your young Draco join my inner circle. You have been my most loyal subject through the years, and for that I shall train Draco myself."  
  
"Thank you, Master." Lucius replied happily, "That is a great honor for my family."  
  
"Yes, yes, but enough with all of this talk. Bring the Potter boy forward." One of the Death Eater's walked towards Harry's cage, and dragged him to Voldemort's feet.  
  
"Stand, Potter, and look at me like a man." Harry did as he was told and looked right at Voldemort's red beady eyes. "Where are you all of your friends now, Potter?" He said menacingly.  
  
"They'll be here, just wait!" Harry shouted angrily. At his words, Harry was roughly shoved to the ground.  
  
"Tie him down, Lucius, while I summon Severus."  
  
---  
  
"I have been summoned." Severus told Dumbledore before aperated to Voldemort's newest location. He knew that what was about to happen wouldn't be good, but not going would be much worse.  
  
When Severus arrived he walked through the circle, eyes to the floor, and went up to his master. He kneeled, and kissed the man's robes before joining the circle.  
  
"Severus, good of you to finally arrive. Crucio!" Voldemort shouted. Severus felt his whole body tense up with fierce pain.  
  
"I am sorry I am late, Master." Severus said numbly, once the curse had been lifted.  
  
Harry watched everything through scared eyes. He saw Severus walk in, and saw him greet his master. He watched Severus receive the curse, and he saw Severus do nothing about it.  
  
Harry's musings were cut short when he heard Voldemort begin to speak again. "Tonight is the night I have dreamed of many times. Tonight, I will kill Harry Potter. Tonight, I shall make the boy feel what I have felt all these years. Tonight, I shall regain all my former glory! Tonight, my empire will once again have power over that muggle-loving fool, Dumbldore!" Voldemort paused and looked at Severus, "Severus, bring him forward."  
  
Severus walked slowly to where Harry was currently tied down. Whispering very quietly into Harry's ear, "Harry, whatever happens, do not let him see you cry." Severus picked Harry up and sat him down and Voldemort's feet.  
  
Immediately curses started firing rapidly past Voldemort's thin lips. One right after the other; soon the Harry's thoughts started to blur, and his vision became cloudy. The pain turned into nothingness, and Harry could no longer hear his screams. All he could hear was the sound of his own heart beating quickly in his ribcage. Harry didn't remember anything after that. 


	10. Rescue and Return

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Eleven - Rescue and Return By RoseRed  
  
Severus stood silently in his place in the circle which was slowly closing in on Harry. He was faced with one of the biggest moral dilemmas of his life. Did he just stand there and watch the boy die, losing all of his hard-earned trust from those precious few like Dumbldore. Or, did he intervene and rescue him, losing him all chance of continual spying for the Order, and becoming second only to Harry on Voldemort's most wanted list. This would make him utterly useless to the side of the light, but if he didn't save Harry, the consequences from Dumbldore could prove much worse then Voldemort's rath.  
  
Knowing he had but one choice, Severus acted quickly. He silently took out his wand and was able to knock out enough of the Death Eaters that he was able to run over to Harry, scoop up the unconscious child and get himself back to Hogwarts. Voldemort had been having to much fun torturing Harry to realize that Severus was going to do anything. He had made a safe return to Hogwarts with Harry, and chose to think of the consequences after he made sure that Harry would be alright.  
  
Severus levitated Harry from the edge of the Forbidden Forest to the hospital wing of the old school. When he arrived, Albus, Minerva and Poppy were all waiting. Severus set Harry gently down on the bed that was already prepared and watched Poppy begin crying at the side. After many years of helping Severus with his injuries, she was able to overcome her emotions and begin work on the fragile looking Harry.  
  
Severus was pacing silently next to Harry's bed. Poppy had tried to usher everyone out of the room, but Severus had refused to move. He knew that Harry's condition was critical, and that the boy might not live. Severus found himself full of conflicting emotions, something that didn't usually afflict the decisive man. He knew that there would be hell to pay for what he had done. Voldemort would want him almost as much as he wanted Harry. Severus knew that no matter where he went, he would be hunted until Voldemort and every one of the Death Eaters was dead. He had to get away from the school or risk endangering everyone else. He also knew that Hogwarts was the safest place for him. Severus also wondered if Dumbldore would even let him stay. He was no longer going to be able to spy for The Order. Even though he was the best potion's maker in all of Britain, would Dumbldore think him worth the risk?  
  
At the very core of all of Severus' thoughts, was Harry. He had given up trying to pretend that he didn't have slowly growing feelings for the young man. Harry had been through many of the situations that Severus himself had had to face at a young age. Severus knew what it felt like to be a scarred and troubled child.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
"Mister Snape, your father wishes a word with you in his study." The Snape family's main servant, William, told the seven year old Severus.  
  
Severus stood slowly and walked the long corridor and down the stairs to his father's private study. He knew that being called there was not a good thing. Only once before in his life had he been asked into that study, and that was when he received his lecture on how to be a Proper Snape.  
  
Severus knocked on the large oak door and entered at his father's word. "You sent for me, Father."  
  
"Yes, sit down." Severus' father looked at him sternly and without love or compassion. "Do you know why I've called you down?"  
  
"No, Sir." Severus said quietly.  
  
"Severus, I believe it is time for your instruction in Dark Arts to begin. It is early, yes, but I believe it vital for you to be able to grow with this knowledge, and someday be able to serve a great lord with it."  
  
"Father, I.I.I do not wish to use Dark magic." Severus had known this was coming for many months, and had decided he would take a stand against the man he had seen kill Muggles for no reason other then a cheap thrill.  
  
"How dare you say that! You are my son, and if I wish you to be instructed in this subject, then you shall be!" Severus' father walked over and slapped him hard across the face.  
  
"Father, please!"  
  
"You are worthless, Severus, absolutely worthless." At the end of his words, he picked Severus up out of the chair, and threw him against the wall. "I thought that if you were taught something useful, I could make something out of you, but I see I was wrong." Severus was laying on the floor crying, much to his father's distaste. Severus' father kicked in hard in the stomach before calmly returning to his chair behind the massive desk. "You will learn Dark Arts, Severus. Now, leave my sight." Severus got up and did his best not to let his father see the tears.  
  
(End flashback)  
  
Severus' thoughts ended when he saw Dumbldore emerge from Harry's room with a grave look on his face. "Severus, I need not lie to you, Harry may not live."  
  
"I know." Severus turned silently and walked out of the hospital wing. 


	11. Interruptions

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Twelve - Interruptions By RoseRed  
  
*Thanks for all of the reviews so far, and I hope you will all keep reading. I'm hoping to put in some slash pretty soon, one or two chapters in the future. Well, enjoy!*  
  
Severus had tried to teach class, but knew it was pointless. Not only could he not focus on what was happening, but none of the students could either. They had all found out about their Golden Boy and were outraged when told that only teachers would be allowed to see him.  
  
Severus dismissed his class early and made his way down to the hospital ward. It had always made his eyes hurt, the contrast of the two places. His dungeons, dark, damp and cool. The hospital ward, bright, dry and sterile. When he arrived, he saw that Albus had gone. Taking the old man's chair, Severus sat by Harry's bedside and watched him shiver and moan. Even in his sleep, he couldn't escape the pain.  
  
For the next three days Severus cancelled his classes and simply sat and watched Harry. If any of the other teachers wondered, they said nothing. They didn't dare. Severus suspected that Albus knew of his growing feelings for Harry, but he didn't say anything. He would just occasionally stop by with a light meal for Severus, ask how Harry was doing, squeeze Severus' shoulder and leave. When his eyes grew to heavy to hold open any longer, he would slouch down in his chair and attempt something like sleep. Sometimes it worked, but mostly it didn't. He found himself waking up and every shudder and whimper from Harry. When he knew sleep was useless, he found his thoughts drifting to Harry.  
  
On the fourth day, Harry awoke. To soar to move, his eyes drifted around his surroundings. He knew he where he was, and he remembered why he was there, but how had he gotten there? Surely he hadn't gotten himself out of the Voldemort's grasp. While he was musing, his eyes glanced over towards the lone chair by his bed. Sitting there sleeping was Severus. Harry knew instantly what had happened. Severus had given up everything to save him. He could no longer be a spy for either side. He would be hunted by the Death Eaters. He would be a danger to the school.  
  
"Professor." Harry managed to make his hoarse voice say. Severus was instantly awake. Neither man knew what to say, so Harry started, "I know what you did for me, and thank you." Harry could say no more, his voice just wouldn't work.  
  
"Ha.Harry," Severus said tentatively, "I." Albus chose that moment to walk in.  
  
"Ahh! Young Harry has finally decided to grace us with his sparkling personality!" He said with the usual twinkle in his eye. All Harry could do was smile.  
  
"Albus, I have work to do." Severus said as he exited swiftly. Harry knew that Severus had been going to say something, and silently cursed the old man who was gazing at him cheerfully.  
  
"Harry, I know you must have much to ask. That will all come in do time. Now, I know you need your rest, so I shall say only this. Be careful with Severus, he is a man who has been many times hurt, and not just physically." Albus stopped, almost as if he was going for dramatic effect, "Yes, be careful. Now, I want you to take it easy and rest assured we shall talk more when you are feeling better." Albus smiled in a fatherly way, and made his exit, leaving Harry to gawk in amazement at the wise, old headmaster.  
  
Harry tried to sleep but found his thoughts drifting. Did Severus feel the same way he did? How did he feel about Severus? How could Albus possibly have known? Did he have feelings for Severus? If he did, how would anything possibly work out? Harry's musings were interrupted by the arrival of Ron and Hermione.  
  
"Oh, Harry! We were so worried about you!" Hermione shouted as she squeezed Harry's hand.  
  
"Yeah, Mate, they wouldn't even let us come visit you." Ron chimed in.  
  
"Headmaster Dumbledore just spotted us in the hall and told us you were awake, we rushed right down."  
  
Harry held up a hand to stop his friends. Slowly and carefully he managed to croak out his greetings.  
  
"What happened, Harry? Was it You-Know-Who?"  
  
"Ron, Harry obviously doesn't want to talk about it know. He can hardly talk!"  
  
"Sorry, 'Mione. Err, sorry, Harry."  
  
"It's alright." Harry said quietly, "Just tell me about what's been happening. I'll just listen."  
  
"You've missed lots, Harry. When Dumbldore first told us you were sick and that we wouldn't be allowed to see you, some of the students were going to start a protest!"  
  
"Yeah, people have sent us loads of stuff to give you. Oh! I forgot it. Do you mind if we bring it up to you later?" Harry shook his head 'no.' He loved listening to Ron and Hermione. It made him feel normal, and allowed him to forget Severus for a moment.  
  
"Anyways," started Ron, "Snape's been acting more nutters then usual this week. He even messed up a potion, and cancelled classes! The greasy git finally did something worth-while." Ron stopped when he saw the look Harry had let slip.  
  
"Harry, are you alright? Are you in pain? Should I get Madame Pomphrey?" Harry felt relived when he realized that neither of them knew the look was from the mention of Severus.  
  
"No, I'm fine. Keep going." He smiled weakly.  
  
"Alright, everyone, clear out. It's time for this patient to rest!" Madame Pomphrey cut in.  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione exchanged hugs and goodbyes while the nurse bustled around, fetching potions.  
  
When the effects of Harry's sleeping drug were just beginning to take effect, he swore he saw the swirl of black robes out of the corner of his eye. 


	12. Welcome Back, Harry

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Thirteen - Welcome back, Harry  
  
By RoseRed  
  
**Hi!!!! The next chapter will definitely contain slash!!!! Thanks to my wonderful slash writer! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I can't wait to hear what you think of the next. By the way.the more reviews I get for this chapter, the faster I'll put out the already written slash! Thanks!!!!**  
  
Harry was released from the hospital wing a few days later. All of his visible injuries were healed, though he was still quite weak. He often depended on Ron and Hermione to support during the first few days. When Harry first went through the portrait hole to Gryffindor tower, he was greeted by a massive 'Welcome back, Harry,' party. While he thanked everyone graciously, and stayed for an hour or so, he managed get away by saying he needed to rest. Soon, the party died down, and the whole of Gryffindor made there way to their beds.  
  
Harry saw Ron enter the bedroom, and thinking Harry was asleep he stood in the doorway and smiled to himself. Slowly, he made his way to his own bed and quickly fell asleep. When Harry thought it was safe for him to sneak away, he quietly got up and retrieved his invisibility cloak. Slipping soundlessly down the stairs and out of the common room, Harry made his way down to the dungeons.  
  
----  
  
Severus had returned to his rooms when Albus had arrived to see Harry, and had not visited Harry since. He knew of Harry's release, but had not seen him yet. Severus had been eating meals alone, and didn't have potions with Harry for two more days. Severus, though he tried hard to stop, often found his thoughts drifting towards Harry. If anyone had told him a year ago that he would be having inappropriate thoughts about the son of his school-age enemy, he would have cursed them into a hospital bed. Alas, that was where he found himself when he was reading a book, trying to do a potion, eating or even when he tried to fall asleep. He knew it was pointless and knew there wasn't anything he could do about it. He knew that Harry would never feel the same way about him.  
  
When Severus was finally drifting off, to thoughts of Harry, he heard a knock on one of the large doors of his classroom. Thinking it was Albus, he didn't bother to cover his pajamas, and went to open the door. Ready to tell off the old man, he opened the door with his picture-perfect sneer. When he realized who it was, the smirk quickly left his usually emotionless face.  
  
"Professor Snape," Harry said calmly, "we need to talk."  
  
"Yes, fine. Enter. I'm going to dress." Severus turned and left at a quick pace for his bedroom. Harry made his way into Severus' quarters and sat down in one of the over-stuffed chairs. "Making yourself comfortable, I see." Severus said, making Harry jump.  
  
"Yes, er, sorry." Harry said while standing up. "I'm sorry to come this late, but I think we both know that there are a few things we need to discuss."  
  
"And you found it important enough that it couldn't wait until morning?"  
  
"Yes. I didn't want to have to answer the questions that would have resulted from me willingly wanting to chat with my potions professor!"  
  
"Calm yourself." Severus said suavely.  
  
"Can we please just sit down and have a conversation like normal people?"  
  
"If you wish." Severus said, motioning to the chair Harry have just vacated. Harry held back a sigh.  
  
Neither man spoke, instead they both sat and stared at the other, daring the other to speak first. Finally, Harry broke the silence, "Professor, is there anything going on between us?"  
  
"This is hardly a suitable question for you to be asking me this late, much less at all."  
  
"I know, so can you please just answer?"  
  
"Potter, you're trying my patience."  
  
"Come off it! You can't pretend like I don't see you when you look at me. You can't expect me to believe that you feel nothing for me when I know you gave up your free time to sit and stare at me while I was unconscious!"  
  
"You don't think that I could have had ulterior motives for what I did?"  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"For one, I gave up my position as a spy to save you. Two, I was only there in case Poppy needed me to make a potion that had to be made quickly."  
  
"It would have taken you longer to rush down to your lab from the hospital wing then to just have had her tell you what she needed while you were in your rooms!"  
  
"Poppy has a reasonable lab set up in the hospital wing."  
  
"Yours is better."  
  
"You're incorrigible."  
  
"I get it from my father." Harry said while standing up to look Severus in the eye, challenging him to say more.  
  
Severus stood and the two men begin a fierce stare down. One strong- willed person facing another. Two people whose pasts have not been filled with love and happiness. Two people that have more in common then they'll ever know.  
  
Finally, Severus reached a hand behind Harry's head and pulled the boy towards him, pausing when there noses were almost touching. Closing the gap slowly, Severus connected their mouths. The kiss was lingering, slow and sweet. Neither man wanted it to stop, but Harry finally had to stop for air. When Severus looked down at Harry he didn't see the trembling boy he expected to find, instead he found a man whose green eyes were burning with lust. He saw a person that wanted everything that was about to happen. Inside, perhaps, Harry was nervous, but he knew he wanted it.  
  
Severus stood behind Harry and tentatively lay his hands on the boy's thin shoulders, massaging them. 


	13. Comforts 1

Chapter 14/15  
  
These chapters did contain the slash scenes, but this was found out by the admins, and the entire story was deleted. If you would like to read the slash, please leave me a review with your e-mail address. Also, in the review, please tell me what you think of the story.  
  
RoseRed 


	14. Comforts 2

Chapter 14/15  
  
These chapters did contain the slash scenes, but this was found out by the admins, and the entire story was deleted. If you would like to read the slash, please leave me a review with your e-mail address. Also, in the review, please tell me what you think of the story.  
  
RoseRed 


	15. The Morning After

L'Enfant Préoccupé  
  
Chapter Sixteen - The Morning After  
  
Harry awoke the next morning to find himself alone in Severus' large, double bed. Thoughts of guilt immediately filled his head, but he willed them away. Harry got up slowly to see if he could find Severus. Making the rounds around Severus' quarters, all Harry found was a small piece of parchment lying on the wooden kitchen table.  
  
--Harry,  
  
I am sorry I had to leave without saying anything, it was early. I will be back later tonight, we will talk then. --S.S. P.S. I am sure that your dorm-mates will wonder where you have been, please think of an excuse.  
  
Not knowing what to do, Harry decided on a bath. He had always thought better when he was clean and calm. Harry entered Severus' large bathroom, and begin to fill the tub. Sitting on the edge, and watching as the room slowly filled with steam. He climbed in slowly, letting the hot water ebb away his thoughts. He decided he would tell everyone he fell asleep by the lake. It was a plausible excuse. Unless, of coarse, they had been looking for him.  
  
After a while, Harry climbed out of bed at checked the time, it was only nine. To late to eat breakfast with everyone, and to early for lunch. Harry dressed slowly, and headed for the kitchens. Dobby greeted him happily, "Harry Potter, sir, Dobby has missed you!"  
  
"Good morning, Dobby." Harry said pleasantly.  
  
"What would Harry Potter be liking this morning?"  
  
"Just a small breakfast, I woke late this morning."  
  
"Right away, Harry Potter sir!" Dobby rushed off with Harry knowing he would be back with a massive amount of food. Dobby did return with three rolls, two croissants, sausage, bacon, biscuits and pumpkin juice. Harry sat down at one of the counters and gossiped with Dobby while he ate. Dobby told him of all the new couples of Hogwarts, of teacher's secret doings, things that Harry knew he shouldn't be learning of.  
  
Harry had stopped listening to everything when, "And Dobby is even seeing Professor Snape leave very early this morning. He came and got breakfast from Dobby before he left." This caused Harry to spit out his mouthful of pumpkin juice.  
  
"Dobby, did Professor Snape tell you where he was going?"  
  
"No, Harry Potter Sir, but every house elf knows he was off to a.a." Dobby stuttered of while he began to bang his head violently against the surface of the counter.  
  
"Dobby, stop it! You don't have to keep secrets for anyone. Please, tell me what you know. No one will hurt you."  
  
"Yous is right, Sir. Dobby forgets sometimes.well, when Dobby's old master, Master Malfoy, would leave very early or very late he would always have Dobby prepare potions for his return. P.pain relief potions. Dobby never asked why, but one time overheard him speaking to someone about a meeting.a Death Eater meeting with You-Know-Who."  
  
Harry stared, open mouthed at Dobby. It had never even occurred to Harry that Severus would be leaving for a meeting with Voldemort. It then dawned on Harry what was happening. Severus had given up his position as a spy to save him. Why would he go to a meeting? He would surely be killed! Harry quickly thanked Dobby for breakfast, and went back to Gryffindor Tower. When he walked through the portrait hole, all eyes were upon him.  
  
"Harry Potter, where have you been?" Hermione yelled at him, her anger laced with concern. "We were just about ready to alert Professor Dumbledore!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Mione, I fell asleep down at the lake. I was really tired last night, but I wanted to think for a while. I'm sorry."  
  
"Oh! You'll be the death of me, Harry!" she said while she stormed up to her dorm-room.  
  
"Eh, Harry, did you really fall asleep at the lake?" Ron asked, Harry knew what he was getting at.  
  
"Yes, Ron, I fell asleep down at the lake."  
  
"Sure, Mate, whatever you say." Ron said with a wink.  
  
"Ron.believe me, okay? I don't need Hermione thinking I'm sleeping with someone."  
  
"Of coarse, Harry. Have you eaten breakfast yet?"  
  
"Yeah, I stopped by the kitchens on my way up, Dobby fed me well."  
  
"Great, then come with me. Hagrid invited the three of us, but I think that 'Mione is to upset."  
  
"I'm sorry, Ron, I'm kinda tired. Can we chat later?"  
  
"Sure, see ya later." Ron said as he exited. Harry knew what he had to do, without a word to anyone, he exited and walked to Dumbledore's office.  
  
Harry arrived and tried to guess the password, he stumbled on to it with 'Chocolate Covered Cherries,' and made his way up to the office. Before he knocked, he was beckoned in. "Ahh, Harry have a seat."  
  
"Headmaster, I need to speak with you."  
  
"Of coarse you do, why else would you be here?"  
  
"Sir, I'm positive you know of my, I mean, mine and Sev.I mean, Profe.."  
  
"Your relationship with Professor Snape, yes I had guessed of the attraction between you two."  
  
"Well, I'm also sure you're aware of how he saved me?"  
  
"Yes. It was incredibly brave of him to do so."  
  
"I know, but now I'm worried. I talked to Dobby this morning, and he told me that Severus had gone to a Death Eater meeting. Why would he do this, doesn't he know it will get him killed?"  
  
"Calm down, Harry. Did Dobby actually tell you that Severus was going to a meeting? Did he know for certain?"  
  
"Well.no.but."  
  
"Harry, you must learn to stop making assumptions. I assure you Severus is quite well, and not in the hands of any Death Eaters."  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"He had personal business to attend to. He'll be back tonight."  
  
"Oh.thank you, Professor."  
  
"Anything else, Harry?"  
  
"Well, just one thing, do you mind what is happening between me and Severus?"  
  
"No. Severus needs someone to care for him. Though I don't approve of the fact that you are still young, there is nothing I will do to stop it. Now, if you don't have anything else, I've some business to attend to."  
  
"No. Thank you." Harry said quietly as he left. 


	16. Words

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Seventeen - By RoseRed  
  
*Thank your for continuing to read my story!*  
  
Harry left Dumbledore's office with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't like that he was beginning to worry about a previous adversary. It unnerved him greatly to have to think and ponder where Severus Snape was, and what he was doing. One thought even had the nerve to strike him, who Severus was with. Harry hated feeling jealous just at the thought of his teacher with anyone but him.  
  
Harry eventually found himself, once again, back at the lake. Thoughts and images of the previous night tugged at his mind.  
  
Soft kisses  
  
Shadowy light nips  
  
Strong caresses  
  
Harry knew he was blushing, but some of thoughts were quite intimate and he wondered how he was able to remember them in such great detail. 'Because you're falling for the man.' he thought.  
  
Before he knew it, he heard the bell ringing to signal the start of supper. He knew it would cause suspicion if he missed another meal. Reluctantly, Harry stood and walked slowly on unsteady legs to the school. He felt as though he was facing his destiny by walking into the Great Hall. It was as if the thought of seeing Severus again was enough to make him feel like his whole future was waiting. When Harry entered the Great Hall his eyes immediately scanned the staff table for Severus. He was there. Harry saw him sitting in his usual place, scowling. Normally the look would have scarred his eyes away from the older man, but instead he found himself staring. Harry couldn't take his eyes of Severus, and Severus saw it. Blushing, Harry took his gaze away when he saw that Severus had seen him. He hoped that none of the other students had seen it.  
  
Severus had seen Harry's stare, and had seen him look away. He knew he should summon Harry to his chambers and try to rationalize what had happened between them. But, there was an annoying voice at the edge of his mind urging him to sweep the boy up and hold him in the safety of his arms. Part of him wanted to protect Harry and prevent any harm from coming to him. Severus had only felt this once before in his entire life. He had been twenty-five, and in love. In the end he'd been dumped for someone else. His life lay in ruins, and he had vowed from that day forward never to let anyone else ever cloud his judgement, or try and run his life. Severus had promised himself to shut out love forever. Yet, here he was, catching himself falling in love with a student half his age. The rational part of his brain was screaming caution, but the other side was yelling louder. The side that simply said, he is yours now. Severus decided he must at least talk with Harry. Knowing the boy would follow, Severus stood and walked out the doors.  
Harry waited five minutes, stood up without a word to anyone and followed Severus. He walked down to the strangely comforting area around the dungeons, and a realization hit him. He felt more at ease standing outside of Severus' quarters then he did sleeping in a room full of his friends. He knew he was experiencing emotions he had never felt before. He knew that this wouldn't work out. He knew that he had to see Severus again, or he wouldn't be able to breath again.  
  
Harry found the door left ajar and walked soundlessly over to where Severus sat. Neither man spoke, instead they sat across from each other, just staring. Neither knew where to start. Severus knew he should be the adult and try and explain, but he found he could only stare into Harry's eyes.  
  
Neither knew how it happened, suddenly they were both on the floor, wrapped in each other's embrace.  
  
"Harry, we shouldn't be doing this."  
  
"I know."  
  
Minutes passed. Touches, caresses, kind words. Then, "No, Harry, we must stop this."  
  
"But, I know we both want it."  
  
"That doesn't matter. We can't do this. This happiness is not for us."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Do you honestly think it could ever work out?"  
  
"If you're worried about the age difference."  
  
"You have not thought this through. It is not simply the large difference in our ages, but the mere fact that I am a teacher and you are my student."  
  
"I know that's not the real reason. That we could work past."  
  
"Potter, think! I am an ex- Death Eater, you are the 'Boy-Who- Lived!' No one in the world would accept us. I can't even belive you would."  
  
"Just tell me that you want this to. Tell me that you can't explain your feelings either. Tell me that I'm not the only confused one in this room!"  
  
"Harry, please, just leave."  
  
"You don't like to lose control. That's why you're doing this!"  
  
"Get out!" Severus said, the anger evident on his face, "just get out!"  
  
Harry stumbled backwords at the shock of Severus' words. He had never seen him lose control like this, never seen him this angry. He hadn't thought it would work out this way. No matter how Harry tried to rationalize his thoughts, all he wanted to do was be back in Severus' strong arms. He wanted to breath in Severus' scent, a wonderful mixture of herbs and musk. He wanted to feel Severus' hands on his skin. He wanted to experience everything that was last night. But most of all, he wanted Severus.  
  
Harry couldn't stop the tears as he ran out of the room. Severus stood motionless, gazing out the door until long after Harry had made his exit.  
  
*I know that some of you are going to think this chapter was really soppy, and lovey-dovey, but that was just the mood I was in. I may regret it later.* 


	17. Severus' Flashback, Part One

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Eighteen - Severus' Flashback Part One By RoseRed  
  
Severus sat quietly in his favorite worn-out chair, and let his thoughts slip over him.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
Severus, as a young man, sat by the lake, gazing into the murky, stillness of the water. Occasionally a leave, or twig would float gently down from a tree, and cause a ripple in the pond. To Severus, the image of calm being changed by something so simple, was exactly like his own life. The only difference, in his case it wasn't something physical, it was something deeper that any wound, it was love. Severus had been completely and totally in love with someone, and that someone had ripped his heart out.  
  
Severus had met Jenna Constance when he was fifteen. To him, he loved her the minute he laid eyes on her. She was the new girl, having transferred from an American wizarding academy the previous summer. That first day she was nervous, shy and cautious of everyone and everything.  
  
Severus had snuck some breakfast from the Great Hall into the library, preferring to eat away from everyone's prying eyes. Sneaking past the librarian had been simple, she would never have given him a second glance anyways. Everyone knew about Severus' family, how they were against everything muggle. They knew how Severus practiced Dark Arts, and how he always kept to himself. The librarian was muggle - born, and looked upon him with disgust. To her, Severus was a savage animal. Severus cared little, as it allowed him total seclusion while he ate his meals, reviewed homework and did some pleasure reading. It was far better then sitting with a bunch of people that despised him. Sure, Severus knew of a select few who came from the same family backgrounds, but he chose not to associate with him. Why add to his problems?  
  
When Severus had just sat down in his favorite corner, he lay out his books, and set his food aside. He opened one of his many books, and began reading at a feverous pace, not wanting to ever fall behind his peers. While his food started to get cold, Severus saw someone enter the library from the corner of his eye. Hardly anyone ever came in during meal times, it was enough for Severus to sneak a full glance at the visitor. She was beautiful. Standing in front of the librarian, was the most precious looking creature Severus had ever seen, he was riveted on her. She had long and straight red hair down to her waist. She was tall, and stood straight, as if telling the world that nothing could get to her. She appeared fearless. Severus heard her speak, a strong southern accent was coming through, even though it was obvious she was trying to cover it up.  
  
"Do you have any books by Darius Martin?" She asked the librarian, who was looking at her with contempt, for she had interrupted her lunch hour with a trivial request.  
  
"No." She said flatly, "but I can order one if you would like."  
  
"Thank you, Ma'am, but I think I'll just look around."  
  
"You're welcome." she replied, not used to being addressed with such respect. The girl turned and started to walk towards where Severus was sitting, catching his glance she blushed a light shade of pink and quickly looked away. Still, Severus could not take his eyes off the girl he now knew had dark green eyes, and tan skin.  
  
The girl scanned the shelves and picked out a few titles. While she was walking back towards the librarian's desk, she once again walked past Severus. At that exact moment, her school bag caught on the desk corner, and spilled it's contents. Looking embarrassed, she knelt down and started to pick up her things. Severus too stood up and helped her pick up the book. While they were both kneeling, they caught each other's eyes.  
  
"I'm Jenna." She said, her full accent coming through.  
  
"Severus Snape." When he didn't see a spark of recognition at the Snape name, he decided that this was someone he could talk with. Before he could answer,  
  
"Severus, would you mind terribly showing me around the school, I'm dreadfully lost."  
  
"I would love to." Severus couldn't believe it, a pretty girl was asking him to accompany her. Severus knew he wasn't handsome, his nose was to sharp, his frame to thin and lanky, and his hair to long and greasy. At first he thought she was just playing some kind of mean trick on him, but the look in her eyes told him she was being genuine.  
  
After she had checked out her books, they went into the hall and Severus showed her some of his favorite things around school. He loved the feeling he had being with her, he loved her witty comments and cute laugh. He loved the way she flipped her hair, and they way her face would scrunch up in confusion when she heard British slang.  
  
When they had rounded another corner, Severus spotted James Potter and Sirius Black, and they saw him.  
  
"Ooooh, Sevvy has himself a girlfriend!" James laughed.  
  
"I hope she doesn't trip on his grease trail!" Sirius taunted.  
  
"What's a beauty like you doing with him? Wouldn't you rather that we show you around school? I'm sure we could show you better sights then he has been." James said while winking.  
  
Severus knew he had to leave, or Jenna would find out things about him, things that would make her like everyone else, instead of the one person who was seeing into him. He turned and started to walk swiftly away.  
  
"Severus wait!" Jenna cried after him, before being led away by James and Sirius.  
  
Severus was sitting at the lake again, a few days later. Staring into the water, his eyes not focusing. His thoughts had been filled with her. He hated being so consumed by something, he knew by now Jenna would know all about his family. It was useless to approach her. Slowly, Severus let his eye lids drop, and he was asleep.  
  
"Severus." A voice interrupted his dream. "Severus, wake up." it called again. Severus opened his eyes slowly, he'd been dreaming about her again. He didn't want reality back. What he saw next caused him to wake quickly, standing over him was Jenna. She looked like an angel.  
  
"Hi." was all he could manage.  
  
"Severus, I want to talk to you, if you're not busy."  
  
"What is it?" He said while she sat down. He knew something was wrong, but even his strong intuition couldn't figure it out.  
  
"I was talking with those brutes, James and Sirius, they told me that you hate all muggle-bourns. I just need to know if it's true." He was silent, "oh, please tell me it's not true." He saw tears forming in her eyes.  
  
"I don't hate them."  
  
"Then.then.why would he say that?"  
  
"It is true, my family does despise muggle culture, but I want so much not to be part of that legacy. No one here can see past it, though."  
  
"I am so glad that that was your answer. I can't understand what I'm feeling, but I know that I want to be next to you all the time. It's like I've been placed under a spell, though we've known each other for such a short while, you're all I can think about!"  
  
"Why did you need to know?" He asked cautiously, hoping she wouldn't say she was a half - blood, or muggle - born, if his family ever found out.  
  
"I'm a half - blood, Severus. My father was a wizard, and he fell in love with my mother. They were both killed by muggle haters."  
  
"Jenna," he started, caring little about his family, "I really like you too." Not knowing what was coming over him, and knowing he was risking a lot. He leaned into kiss her. Slowly, and sweetly, it was the most precious moment of his life.  
  
(End Flashback)  
  
"Severus! Severus! Wake up!" Dumbledore's bead was tickling his face.  
  
"What do you want, old man?"  
  
"You missed the start of morning classes. I was worried."  
  
"Fine." He got up, and dressed for his first class of the day.  
  
*Hi! I think I broke a few story lines here.in the book, I think it kind of hints that Severus loved Lily in school, but it's my story, damnit! Grrr!! I know I made Jenna into a vixen, but my original thought was to make her into the classic image of American girl, tall and blonde with blue eyes.so I hope this is better. Let me know if you all like Jenna Constance. Also, this is only the FIRST PART of the flashback.I wanted everyone to ponder and review. ~*~RoseRed~*~ 


	18. Mistakes

L'Enfant Préoccupé Chapter Nineteen – Mistakes By RoseRed  
  
Harry was running. He need to get as far away from the dungeons as possible. He ran down one hallway, then he ran down another. Harry was painless, he was running so fast that the world around him was spinning. The only thing he concentrated on was the running, the beating of his own heart. The sound it was making in his ears. Everything was blurred, fuzzy a world of colors whizzing past him. Finally, he couldn't go on, he collapsed in the astronomy tower.  
  
Harry lay slumped on the steps, panting. The emotions came back as quickly as they had left. Harry tried to stare blankly ahead, he tried to block it all out, but it wasn't working. With his thoughts spinning, a song drifted into his ears. A muggle song he'd heard before somewhere.  
  
---I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,  
but though you're still with me,  
I've been alone all along...  
When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears.  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.  
I've held your hand through all of these years,  
but you still have hold of me...---  
  
Mesmerized by the lyrics and the voice singing them, Harry stood up and walked towards the song's origin. After turning a few corners he saw her. He saw what looked like an angel. She was beautiful. Harry didn't know her name, but recognized her as one of the fifth years. Harry walked over, and stood still, continuing to listen to her voice. The singing stopped suddenly when the girl looked up.  
  
"Oh, I didn't know anyone was around."  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. It's just...your singing was so pretty."  
  
"Oh, thank you." She said, blushing.  
  
"That's a muggle song, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes. It's one of my favorites."  
  
"I liked it. I'm Harry."  
  
"I...I know." She laughed, "I'm Ellyn."  
  
"Would you like to sneak into the kitchens with me, Ellyn?" Harry asked, quietly.  
  
"I'd love to." Ellyn stood, and walked next to Harry down to the kitchens. Harry had pushed all thoughts of Severus to the back of his mind. He didn't know Ellyn, and he didn't care. All he wanted to do was stop thinking about Severus. If he didn't want him, then he wouldn't care. He wouldn't let someone affect him so deeply. Ellyn was good enough company for him. These were the thoughts he tried to think, but that little voice in his head kept nagging him, 'You want to hurt him. You just want to hurt him. Stop this, go back to him.' But Harry pushed the voice down. He focused on escorting Ellyn to the kitchens.  
  
"I do love the food here." Ellyn said.  
  
"It's great. I have house-elf connections." Harry replied, smiling. Ellyn laughed.  
  
"What's your favorite book?"  
  
"Ummm, I really love anything by Gildaroy Lockhart."  
  
"He was my teacher for a while."  
  
"Really? That's really great."  
  
Their conversation was mindless. Harry had stopped thinking about Severus, he had made himself stop caring. Before long, there slow and light conversation, and Ellyn's smile had Harry defenseless. Deep down, he knew that he was only doing this to somehow get back at Severus. He knew that this would come back to haunt him someday. He knew that he would regret this later. That didn't matter to him now, without even really realizing it, Harry had invited Ellyn back to his rooms. Harry knew that all of his roommates had other plans that evening. Ellyn agreed, and they took the journey back to the Gryffindor common rooms. Ellyn was laughing the whole way, and all the while, Harry could feel his heart growing colder. He didn't care for Ellyn the way he knew he cared for Severus. He wanted to hurt Severus, and Ellyn was the perfect way to do it. The perfect way.  
  
When they'd gotten back into Harry's room, Ellyn wasted no time. She pressed herself up to Harry and kissed him deeply. Harry gave into the kiss and soon the pair were tangled up in the sheets. Ellyn lifted Harry's shirt and the look in her eyes told Harry to repay the gesture. Harry gazed at Ellyn, weighing what he was about to do, and went for it. He gently placed his right hand on Ellyn's stomach. She moaned and Harry slid his hand up to her breasts. He found her nipples taut and hard. Carefully, Harry caressed her sensitive skin and Ellyn moaned in pleasure. She gestured at Harry's pants, and he obliged her by sliding them off with his boxers, she did the same with her uniform skirt.  
  
Harry knew there was no going back now, looking into Ellyn's eyes he positioned himself over her and, after a nod of approval, slid inside of her. His thrusts were slow at first, Ellyn ran her hands over Harry's chest and his hair. Harry kissed Ellyn with quick, passionate moves. Ellyn pulled Harry down and began to suck on his neck, leaving a dark purple mark. Harry was nearing his end, and quickened his thrusts. Both of them were moaning loudly, and together they cried out when they both reached their peaks. Ellyn flipped them over and lay atop Harry. Both were panting to catch their breath. Ellyn looked at Harry and smiled. Then, she nestled next to him and fell asleep. Harry did a quick cleaning spell and lay there, listening to her light breathing. Then it hit him, what have I done?  
  
Harry's conscience nagged at him relentlessly, he lay there next to Ellyn, hoping that no one would walk in and discover them. While Ron would congratulate him, and just go to sleep, he was worried that one of the others would spread the gossip around school, allowing for Severus to hear. With his thoughts pulling him in all different directions, he finally fell asleep, thinking of how much this would hurt Severus and himself.  
  
*In case you're wondering; in my story, Severus turned from women after Jenna, and I like the idea of Bi!Harry. Don't you? :) *  
  
**The song was, 'My Immortal' by Evanescence**  
  
***Sorry this has taken such a long time, I've been so busy. Can someone tell me exactly what a Mary Sue is? Apparently, Severus' girl was one....I don't know what it is...hmmm... I know my chapters are really short, but that's how I like them.*** 


	19. Years Ago Severus' Flashback, Part Two

L'Enfant Préoccupé   
Chapter Twenty – Years Ago...   
By RoseRed  
  
**My 20th chapter! Ooh, I'm excited. Sorry this has taken such a dreadfully long time, but here it is. Enjoy! **  
  
Severus was starring at a wall. He'd been sitting like that for many minutes, still as an animal waiting to strike. Nobody that saw him would have guessed that his battle was on the inside.  
  
**(Many years ago)**  
  
Severus was pacing inside his London flat, starring at the bathroom door. Jenna was on the otherside, chewing on her lower lip. "Jenna?" Severus said quietly, whatever she answered was going to change their life.  
  
"Not yet, Severus! Stop being so impatient!" Jenna was not loving life. Things had been great while the pair was still at Hogwarts, safely within the school walls. Nothing could touch them back then. Nothing. Now, they were on their own, barely surviving. Though Severus would never tell her where he went so late at night, Jenna knew. She knew that her husband was out, working for the Dark Lord. There was nothing she could do about it. All of his talks about not agreeing with his family, had all been lies. Severus went out and killed people like her mother.  
  
Severus knocked again, "Jen, please, tell me something."  
  
"I'll tell you as soon as I know!" Jenna sobbed, her life was falling apart. She had been hoping so hard for a baby, but now that it was becoming a reality, she was scared. She knew that the Dark Lord couldn't possibly approve of Severus being married to a half-blood, much less having a child with one. She couldn't imagine why he hadn't harmed Severus or her yet. Then it hit her, the only way to keep her family together was to get rid of the baby. If Severus' lord ever found out, he would surely kill them all. She couldn't let that happen.  
  
She opened the door a crack, "Severus, I'm sorry. I know how much this meant to you."  
  
"You mean... there's no baby?"  
  
"No. No baby."  
  
Severus didn't answer at first, then, "It'll be fine. Don't worry about a thing." Jenna starred into his dark eyes, not believeing him. She knew how much he wanted a legacy, but she also knew that it just wasn't worth risking their lives over. Later, she would get rid of the baby.  
  
**(Present)**  
  
Severus sunk slowly into his chair, about to reach for another glass of liquer, when a soft tap at his window alerted him. In an instance he reached the owl and took her small letter. With an soft hoot she was off and Severus returned to the chair. With shaking fingures, something rare for the aging potion's master, he realized that he hoped beyond everything that this letter was from Harry. He needed it to be from Harry. Severus knew that what had happened earlier was his fault. Harry had come to him hoping to start a relationship with him.  
  
Shakily, he tore the seal_.  
  
--Pro... Sev... Severus,  
Look at this, I don't even know what I should address you as. How strange it all seams. How odd it feels that such a short time has passed since I felt a strange new sensation; joy. The joy I felt when you held me in your arms, so secure and safe and warm. Nothing could harm me at that moment. I was so contet lying there, breathing in the scent of you. I know you want me to leave you alone and pretend nothing happened, but the fact is it did! I have never felt as safe as I did in your arms. Not once before in my life. Please, Severus, save us.  
  
I don't give a damn what the world thinks of us. I never have. We can keep it a secret, we can. I know you believe that something terrible will happen to us, but I know we can work through it. I feel it in my heart.  
  
It's crazy, but I want you. Only you.  
  
--Harry  
_  
Harry sealed the letter and gave it to Hedwig, telling her to give it to Severus immediately. He didn't know what he was going to do. If Severus ever found out about Ellyn, it would be disastrous. Then again, not telling him would feel like they were starting their whole relationship on top of a lie! That is to say that Severus would even want him back. There was so much that Severus had to deal with, it was no wonder if was scared to start a relationship with Harry.  
  
Harry was jolted back to reality by a tap from Hedwig. His heart was racing so fast, it was all he could hear. He reached for the letter, the seal that of the one person he wanted to hear from.  
  
_--Meet me in 10 minutes._  
  
Severus was pacing. Harry would be here soon. It was now or never. Did he want the boy of not? He knew he did. Could he stand the pain of losing someone again? He didn't think so.  
  
**(Flashback)**  
  
Severus saw a scrap of paper lying on the floor. He picked it up to throw it away and saw what changed his life forever.  
  
_Ms. Constance,  
Your appointment is scheduled for June 15th at 2 pm.  
  
Clearview Center  
  
_Severus knew instantly what it meant. Clearview Center was what the Muggles' called an abortion clinic, he'd come across the definition in his research. Severus walked slowly towards the bedroom he shared with Jenna. She was lying on her back on the bed, looking so delicate and small in her slumber. Severus sighed and shut the door. He needed to think, needed to clear his mind. Maybe Jenna hadn't gone through with it. But, oh! How to approach the subject?  
  
As he walked out, his eyes flickered to their calendar, filled jointly with little notes and reminders. The date glared at Severus, almost burning his eyes with it's sterile black on white; _June 17th. _


	20. Firelight

L'Enfant Préoccup

Chapter Twenty-One , 'Firelight'

By RoseRed

Harry walked down to the dungeons, shielded by his invisibility cloak. Ironic, he though, that his father's cloak was helping his son get to a man he had tormented so badly in school. Harry could hear his heart pounding in his ears, so loudly he wondered if others would be able to hear it. He saw the door to the potion's classroom, it was unlocked, he made his way down the rows of desks to the entrance to Severus' private chambers. Harry stood outside, resting his head on the cool wood of the door, working up his courage to knock and face whatever Severus was going to say to him.

"I can hear you breathing." Harry pushed open the door quietly and entered the dim room. Severus was standing by the fireplace, gazing into the flames. They made small popping noises every so often.

"Severus."

"Sit down, Harry." Harry did as he was bid and took a chair facing the fire. Severus still hadn't turned around. Harry stared at the older man's back, sensing the years of pain he had endured. He could only guess at what he was thinking about. Was he scared of what others would think? Probably not. Harry didn't think much could scare Severus. Then, "We both know this is wrong, Harry."

Harry breathed in gently, willing his courage to flee back to him. He found it hard to believe that he had fought off Voldemort and couldn't now get a word out. He almost laughed. Finally, after carefully planning what he was going to say, "I love you." No amount of planning could have helped Harry, though, those words had just come out on their own. He had been making up a whole speech in his head about why their relationship could work, and it had just slipped! "I...I...I'm sorry." He stammered. Still, Severus would not turn around. The silence became unbearable. Harry stood up and stepped a few paces behind him. "Please look at me, Severus. Please..!" He begged, hoping the words were not being said to deaf ears.

Very slowly Severus turned around, but he didn't meet Harry's gaze. Instead, he walked over to his small liquor chest. An antique passed down through the long line of drinkers in the Snape lineage. He reached down and sought a bottle of very old Scotch. He poured himself a glass and set it down on the fireplace mantle. Then, to Harry's surprise, he poured the younger wizard his own small glass and placed it gently on the stand next to Harry's chair. "Well," he began dryly, "considering what's already happened between us, I don't think me giving you a drink could cause any more trouble." Harry almost laughed as he returned to his seat, but Severus' face stopped him. It wasn't the face of a man about to give in to foolish sentiments of love from someone half his age.

Severus took the chair across from Harry and drank his Scotch in one large swig. Harry could only sip at the strong drink, though the feeling of it burning down his throat was oddly comforting. For long moments the pair only gazed at each other, half meeting the other's eyes. It was Harry who finally broke the icy silence, "What are you afraid of?"

"Potter." Severus said warningly.

"No, Severus, you sent me down here. I won't be turned away so easily this time! I know something must have happened to you to stop you from loving me back!"

"It didn't occur to you that I was more concerned with how the rest of the bloody world was going to take it? Me, an ex Death Eater, and you, the damned Boy-Who-Lived! Dumbledore's Golden Boy!"

"I know that wouldn't stop you. You're not the sort of person to be threatened by what others think. Please, just tell me what hurt you!"

Through the conversation, neither man had moved. Harry had never seen Severus quite so angry, not even when he had sent him out earlier. His guarded anger had boiled to pure rage. But, Harry knew it wasn't at him. He could see the pain in the man's eyes. He knew that someone or something had hurt him in the past. Something that hurt him so bad he never wanted to love again. "Please, tell me." Nothing. Silence filled the room again. Severus had dropped his empty glass and it had shattered on the stone floor sending little slivers of glass all around. He was starring at the firelight reflected so beautifully in the little shards of broken glass. Severus knew he loved Harry. He didn't know, though, how he could possibly tell him about Jenna. It was a secret he had so long guarded. Could he now so easily tell a boy half his age, a boy who had once hated him so greatly?

"Jenna." Harry's eyes darted up and he saw something he had never in all his years seen anything like, a small tear was making its way down Severus' pale cheek. "Her name was Jenna."

"Please, tell me." Harry had, almost without realizing it, moved his chair closer to Severus.

"I met her when I was a student. She saved me from your father's group of tormenters. I loved her and I married her. I didn't give a damn what the Dark Lord would do to me if he found out, I loved her so much. I loved her so much and she broke my heart. She killed our love!" Harry had never seen this side of Severus. It was so new he didn't know how to comfort him. With one deft movement, he seized his hand and squeezed gently. Severus didn't pull away. "She killed our baby, Harry! She lied to me about being pregnant and killed our baby!" Severus' mind was reeling, recalling how he had confronted Jenna, and her teary confession. She had claimed it was out of love, but Severus wouldn't listen. He ran. He ran out of the house and never saw her again.

All Harry could do was stand up and wrap his arms around Severus. Severus was crying. Slow, quiet tears. Tears of pain, of never forgotten love, of all the times he had never been able to share with anyone. Of all the times he had been ignored and forgotten. Then he realized; he had someone now. Someone who genuinely cared for him. Someone who would love him and be proud of his accomplishments. He couldn't believe it...he loved Harry. He needed Harry. He wanted Harry!

"Harry." Then he kissed him. Harry put his head down and kissed Severus lightly, so gently. Severus grabbed Harry and pulled him into his lap, kissing him for all he was worth. The years of pain melting away, melting into these new caresses. "I love you, Harry." The look Harry gave him was enough to make him smile. The first in years. Severus and Harry remained locked in a hug for long minutes. Neither moved, they just remained motionless and felt each other breath.

There was a voice in the back of Harry's head whispering to him, "This would be perfect, but you messed it all up. He'll never love you once he finds out at her. He'll hate you." Harry tried to will it away, but he couldn't. He could only hope it wouldn't be true.

_There. I like this chapter, I don't know how everyone will appreciate this side of Severus that I've created. I hate how in the books he's always portrayed as a cold bastard. I think that he must have a sensitive side! Let me know, please. I'll admit, I'm kind of at a writer's block about what to do with Ellyn....one of those, 'I wish I hadn't thrown her into the story,' kind of things. Oh well._


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